It has been a few years since I have written on this blog.  I never did share this with anyone when I started it.  I may now but I am not sure.  However, I felt compelled to write again.
Recently I was at Spirit Rock near San Francisco for the Monday night meditation and dharma talk by Jack Kornfield.  I was struck by the thoughts and feeling I had later when I reflected on that evening.  There must have been 400 people there...every seat full.  In the beginning there was lots of talk, chatter as people do when they gather.  Then the speaker, Jack Kornfield strikes the bell and it becomes very silent.  All 400+ people instantly become very quiet and move into their own space.  We meditate for about 20 minutes.  The feelings I have tonight as I picture that room full of people quietly meditating is a sense of how we are all connected.  I am imagining each person is experiencing similar concerns....  All of course with a different story.  However,  if you heard each person's story and "boiled it down to its essence" you would find such similarities.  It is as if we walk through this planet with our own distinct personalities, histories, stories that we paint about ourselves and this make us feel separate.  We are unique and of course to some degree-- we are one of a kind.....just like there are not two snowflakes that look identical.  However at the center of being human there lies consistent similarities.  When we realize the similarities we can really experience the depth of our connection with one another.  We are not separate but connected.
I was also struck that much of the information Jack Kornfield shared I have heard before and yet I need to keep hearing it again and again.  Just knowing something is not the same as living it...walking the talk as the saying goes,  I need a leader, a mentor not unlike sheepdogs that guide the sheep so they will not get lost.  For many that leader is a spiritual figure, maybe connected to religion maybe not.  I feel we do need guidance that reminds us of something bigger than who we are as individuals in the forefront  of our lives.  Being human is just not always that easy and we need to be constantly reminded of the mystery of life.  There are many ways and perhaps I will explore more of that in my next entry.

This is a picture of Sonoma from Sonoma Heights. This was a great short hike we did several times right from our house.  It took about one hour up and down and it was a beautiful view.  You can actually see San Fransisco on a good day!

This was intended to be on the page with the Sonoma entry.  Just one of so many beautiful fields with grapes!

Sonoma, California, 2012

We leave Sonoma CA tomorrow after spending one full glorious month here. I feel so grateful for this experience I find myself not wanting to let go of this amazing place, not wanting to go home. It feels different to me as usually I am looking forward to going home. Of course being the lover of light and sunshine, I am aware of the wonderful sunny, warm weather that Sonoma will predominantly have until next fall. With such an abundance of sun I can  see myself settling into life knowing that each day for awhile will have a sunrise and sunset I can actually see and hours in between with the warmth of sunlight on my body. Here I found the part of me that comes alive in the out of doors, in the beauty of nature. Even in the cool, cloudy weather I was pulled to find new hikes,new walks in the woods, on the green hills bursting with new life, sometimes, often in the evenings walks in town on the quiet streets of Sonoma taking in the beautiful homes, brilliant gardens or strolling around the square. Spring is in full bloom here with so many vibrant colors to feast on wherever I go. This last month in Sonoma offered activities with new and different experiences to share with others creating a sense of community. Dick, Donna, Mike and Diane were also here in Sonoma as well as James and Julie who are friends of the Peabody's. I attended a couple of classes at the Community Center and found the people very friendly and available. (classes were fun as well) Actually wherever we went in Sonoma it seemed that the people were friendly, kind, and real. It is a community I could see myself living in. It was especially nourishing to have this much time with David without the distractions of our everyday life. We found a rhythm here each day that allowed for real connection and fun. Our time in Esalen was unusually special. We both share such a deep love and connection with Big Sur, another very unique part of California. We are going home committed to giving each other Esalen massages! And so for now I will close as I am being informed that on our day of departure major protests are being planned for the Golden Gate Bridge and other parts of San Francisco, hence it looks like we will need to leave very early!

Every Day Really Counts

Every Day Really Counts.

I woke up quite early today , about five after a light sleep. It may be the prednisone I am on for the poison oak I got while hiking last week here in Sonoma or it may be the incredible movie I saw (The Lady) last night at the Sonoma Film Festival. Whatever it is, I feel very alive and ENORMOUSLY grateful for life. Words are merely not adequate to describe the woman in Burma , Aung San Sun Kyi. Her courage, her vision, her personal sacrifices, and her devotion to human rights are so deeply touching that I am filled with my own renewed sense of life.

I have been continuously reminded of how life , my feelings, thoughts, awarenesses, changes everyday, in fact really every moment. Being in the moment of the experience, whether it is sitting here pouring out words onto my computer, eating lunch in a downtown cafe, walking among all the new life of springtime, or allowing the sadness of a moment to come fully present ,I am personally experiencing how being with the complete awareness of what is actually happening is at the core of really living. Embracing all of what life has to offer us at this amazing smorgasbord of possibilities is what it means to live a full life. Clearly some life journeys are far more difficult than others, however as we truly accept what is present something opens, the remembering of who we really are with all the dramas of life, all the stories we tell ourselves has room to emerge.

I do think there is something about this incredibly, strong, determined LADY in Burma that brought this to the forefront of my awareness of what it means to be a human being. She has touched so many others with her sense of justice, compassion and strength. And now me - halfway around the world.

So my prayer for today is to embrace with loving kindness, moment by moment life as it appears - to remember so much of what I truly know that living my life from my heart, filled with compassion for the journey of all living beings brings me fully into my humanness.

Easter in Sonoma

I just want to get a few thoughts down on paper before this day passes. I am not sure how coherent they will be because it is late at night

This was a very different "Easter for me". No Easter egg hunts, or coloring of eggs before Easter, no Easter dinner, and no family here with us to celebrate. I miss my children and grandchildren. I loved skping with Jason and family last night and appreciated the pictures of Tessa and Thatcher that he sent us today. I was very happy to talk with Susan and Lukas today. All of this gave me a real connection to what matters, which is so much of what holidays are about. - family. But they were not here ...so what would we do....

We went to the Unitarian church in Santa Rosa. We both really enjoyed that. It certainly brought back to the part of me what Easter has always been long before my Palmer family....a church service. The minister's theme was about flowers from the perspective of renewal, beauty and rebirth. It really is difficult to put into words the rather magical way he created thus service (in part because it is late and I don't really have the grasp of words I am wanting), however suffice it to say that he found the right mix of poetry, music, insights, and humor to bring me back to my heart. I found myself feeling weepy at times. In other words the service touched my heart deeply. And so while I missed some of the things about Easter that have always mattered to me, this day had its own touch of rebirth and magic for me.

Our day ended with a leisurely, impromptu dinner with a couple from Vermont, Mike and Diane who are here with our friends Dick and Donnw (away for now) which was most enjoyable. So tonight I am once again reminded of one of my favorite quotes, "Life happens while you are making plans"

Soul Motion

I just completed the SoulMotion workshop with Zuza in Burlington. I feel a need to write and yet I am not sure what I have to say. Here goes…………. It is funny how I had a cold on Thursday the day before the workshop and felt quite lousy. When I went Friday night I wasn’t even sure I would last the night. Somehow over the weekend my well being improved…..At the moment I feel both energized and tired and mostly full of gratitude for the opportunity I had to dance with such a wonderful group of people under the sacred and professional direction of Zuza, a woman committed to this path of Soul Motion. It was wonderful to dance and move for an entire weekend!. I did not tire of the dance, however I might add that my body is now revealing a few tender spots. I noticed repeatedly how my mood, feelings and thoughts changed. I went to places of feeling awkward, to feeling rejected, and then accepted, to feeling scared and then safe, of feeling judged to acceptance. The landscape changed over and over again. The key was staying in the present. I got to experience over and over coming back to what was happening in the room, not in my head, not outside on the streets of Burlington. Another lesson I take from the weekend is a deeper understanding of the concept of expansion and contraction. We did this through our dance. . We are always moving between contraction and expansion. We do this with our breath - the inhalation being contraction and exhalation being expansion. -Sometimes we need to go in, to be more confined, more with ourselves, our internal process and other times to move out and be in the world, interacting with others. To do this dance over and over again in a safe environment was truly touching. It is another way for me to remember how we are all connected and how our needs, our desires, our fears are all so similar. Our stories may be different but in dropping the story line and showing up, dancing, our similarities are present and the sense of oneness is given space…………. As I just re- read what I wrote I realize how difficult it can be to communicate in writing such experiences. Poets, artists, musicians, to name but a few, often have the secret to revealing the essence……..the cornel of truth…….However, I am someone wanting to share my experiences, want to teach what I am learning and this is one way I can do that. As I transition back into my regular life and it shifts “out into the world” I know I can be pulled into places of fear, scarcity, doubt, aloneness. These words will help remind me of what I know in this moment to be true and to remember the landscape is always changing, always shifting. Dancing, breathing, sitting and quieting my mind are ways to bring me back to the sacred, to the divine to the connection with myself and all other humans dancing this dance of life………………..